Using Screen Time as Punishment
Imagine telling your teenager they can’t use their phone because they didn’t clean their room. Sounds reasonable, right? Well, parenting experts are increasingly warning against this common practice. The risks of restricting screen time as punishment outweigh the temporary benefits and include eroding parent-child trust, incentivizing kids to secretly access screens, and discouraging honest, open conversation between parents and kids. This approach actually backfires in ways most parents never consider.
Instead of teaching responsibility, this punishment method teaches kids to hide their technology use and becomes sneaky about it. According to some surveys, a large majority of parents of children age 5 to 11 say they limit the time of day or length of time their child can use screens, while many parents report taking away their child’s smartphone or internet privileges as punishment. But research shows this strategy often leads to increased secrecy and damaged trust between parents and children.
Making Every Decision a Negotiation
Have you ever found yourself in a twenty-minute debate with a five-year-old about whether they need to wear shoes outside? This happens when parents turn every household rule into a discussion topic. Sometimes you have to do sh*t you don’t want to do because it’s for the good of society and helps your community. Teaching children that everything is negotiable creates adults who struggle with authority and basic social expectations.
Teachers report seeing this trend increase dramatically in recent years. Kids arrive at school expecting to debate every instruction, from sitting quietly during lessons to following playground rules. When a child has done something objectively wrong, simply talking things through is not the most effective way to ensure a change in behavior. While communication matters, children also need to understand that some rules aren’t up for discussion.
Creating Emotional Regulators Instead of Teaching Self-Control
Modern parents often feel compelled to process every single emotion their child experiences. This meant for every negative or positive emotion one of the kids had, I would walk through it with them. I became the emotional regulator for three children under age 8. This well-meaning approach actually prevents kids from developing their own emotional regulation skills.
When parents constantly step in to manage their children’s feelings, they’re essentially becoming emotional crutches. This tactic neglects to teach kids that actions have consequences, and creates a constant need for someone to process their emotions with them. Gentle parenting requires parents to be fully invested in their children all the time in order to walk kids through strong emotions. The result? Children who can’t handle disappointment, rejection, or frustration on their own.
Avoiding All Consequences and Natural Learning Opportunities
There’s a troubling trend where parents rush to shield their children from any form of discomfort or natural consequences. Having obstacles to overcome is what helps children to build resilience, to develop coping skills to deal with things that are difficult. Children need to learn through trial and error – this worked, this didn’t work. When we remove all challenges, we’re actually setting our kids up for failure later in life.
Think about it this way: if a child never experiences the natural consequence of forgetting their homework, how will they learn responsibility? But with no suffering, you build no skills. Eventually an overprotected child will grow into an adult and face adult problems. The goal isn’t to make children suffer, but to allow them to learn from manageable challenges while they’re young.
Helicopter Parenting and Micromanaging Everything
Some parents hover over their children like helicopters, managing every detail of their lives. Helicopter parenting is a style of parenting where parents hover over their kids and tend to micromanage them. Some characteristics of helicopter parenting include being over-attentive, micromanaging them, fighting their battles, and not giving them opportunities to fail and learn from those experiences. This creates children who can’t think for themselves or solve basic problems independently.
Research shows that children of helicopter parents struggle more as adults. Going through almost no difficult experiences also does not bode well for one’s resilience. These kids often become anxious adults who can’t handle normal life challenges because they never learned how to navigate difficulties on their own. The irony is that trying to protect them actually makes them more vulnerable.
Using Screens to Calm Children Down
It’s become incredibly common for parents to hand their child a tablet or phone whenever they get upset or restless. Adults often give kids screens to help them calm down, especially during work time or in other situations when children need to be quiet. While this may offer short-term relief, it can lead to longer-term problems. That’s because it may prevent kids from learning how to behave appropriately and handle their emotions.
This habit teaches children that external devices are responsible for managing their internal states. Screens can prevent children from developing skills to regulate their own emotions. Instead of learning healthy coping mechanisms like deep breathing, counting, or talking through feelings, children become dependent on electronic entertainment to feel calm or happy.
Comparing Children to Siblings or Other Kids
Making comparisons between children might seem like harmless motivation, but it actually creates lasting damage. Whether it’s “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” or highlighting another child’s achievements, these comparisons breed resentment and insecurity. Children begin to see relationships as competitions rather than sources of support and love.
When kids constantly hear comparisons, they learn to measure their worth against others instead of developing their own sense of self. This creates adults who struggle with imposter syndrome, jealousy, and never feeling “good enough.” Well-intentioned parents who simply want the best for their kids often put pressure on their children to succeed. For many parents this pressure begins when their kids are toddlers. Each child develops at their own pace and has unique strengths that deserve recognition.
Teaching That Feelings Always Come First
While emotional awareness is important, some parents swing too far in the opposite direction by teaching children that their feelings should always take precedence over everything else. This creates kids who think their emotional state determines whether they need to follow rules or meet responsibilities. Children need to learn that the world doesn’t revolve around their feelings.
In real life, we often have to do things we don’t feel like doing – going to work when we’re tired, being polite when we’re annoyed, or completing tasks when we’d rather be doing something fun. Teaching children that feelings always come first doesn’t prepare them for these realities. Instead, we need to help them understand that while feelings are valid and important, they don’t always dictate our actions.
Avoiding Teaching Basic Life Skills
Many parents today are so busy managing their children’s schedules and activities that they forget to teach basic life skills. Kids reach high school without knowing how to do laundry, cook simple meals, manage money, or clean a bathroom. This isn’t doing them any favors – it’s actually a form of neglect that leaves them unprepared for independent living.
Children actually feel proud and capable when they master these practical skills. Encourage autonomy and allow kids to fail and make mistakes. It’s crucial for their development. Starting young with age-appropriate tasks like setting the table, folding towels, or organizing their backpack builds confidence and competence. These skills are just as important as academic achievements.
Creating Perfect Social Media Personas
The rise of “sharenting” – sharing children’s lives extensively on social media – teaches kids that their value comes from public validation and appearing perfect online. It may seem harmless to post cute moments of our kids online, but it can create issues around their sense of self. Sharenting often comes from a place where parents need external validation or approval. Still, it’s important to respect a child’s privacy and autonomy.
This habit teaches children that their worth is determined by likes, comments, and social media engagement. We live in a world where everything can easily be shared online, but that doesn’t mean it should be shared. Our children have little control over their digital presence. Letting them decide what moments feel okay to share can help them feel safer and more in control. Kids need to learn that real relationships and personal accomplishments matter more than online personas.
