Space Food Sticks – When NASA’s Astronaut Snacks Went Mainstream
Picture this: you’re a kid in the seventies and you could literally eat what NASA astronauts munched on while floating around in zero gravity. That’s exactly what happened with Space Food Sticks, which were originally developed for the Apollo missions but somehow made their way to grocery store shelves across America. These weren’t just snacks – they were a taste of the future. Space Food Sticks were inspired by the rations eaten by astronauts, which made them feel light-years cooler than regular old granola bars.
In the ’70s, kids snacked like astronauts! Pillsbury’s Space Food Sticks were marketed as astronaut food but never actually went into space. The chewy treats came in flavors like caramel, chocolate, and peanut butter. The weird, dense texture was like eating a combination of Tootsie Roll and power bar, but kids absolutely loved them because they felt so futuristic. By the early ’80s, these snacks had disappeared from store shelves. While modern energy bars serve a similar purpose, they don’t have the same space-age charm. Space Food Sticks remain a nostalgic favorite for those who grew up during the height of the Apollo missions.
Freakies Cereal – The Monster Squad That Ate Breakfast
Freakies cereal was produced by Ralston and available in the U.S. from 1972 to 1976. Seven different Freakies figures were made, each in a single color and representing a specific creature from the story that was created to go along with the products. These weren’t your typical cartoon mascots – they were genuinely weird little monsters with names like Boss Moss, Hamhose, Gargle, and Snorkeldorf. Freakies had one of the most memorable marketing campaigns of the ’70s, featuring a gang of colorful, oddball monsters who lived in the Freakies Tree. This corn cereal was a hit among kids, but despite its catchy jingle and mascot squad, it didn’t last beyond the decade.
The cereal itself tasted somewhat like Cap’n Crunch, but what really sold it were those fantastic plastic figures that came in every box. Kids would dig through the entire bag with their grubby little hands, desperately searching for their favorite Freakie. One mother actually gagged when she tried the cereal herself after her kids complained about the taste, and the whole box ended up in the trash where it belonged. This was hands down one of the worst-tasting cereals ever made. Today’s parents would never tolerate such artificially colored, sugar-loaded breakfast disasters.
Hubba Bubba Bubble Gum – When Gum Came in Giant Cubes
This late 1970s brightly colored bubble gum came in big cubes kids loved, but its popularity faced competition from Bubblicious in the 1980s. The original was discontinued, but Mars bought Wrigley and rebranded it in a tape form. The original Hubba Bubba wasn’t the flat tape stuff we know today – it came in these massive, tooth-breaking cubes that were practically impossible to chew. Kids would stuff these enormous chunks of gum in their mouths and struggle to work them into something manageable.
The advertising was absolutely bonkers, with commercials featuring kids blowing bubbles the size of basketballs. Hubba Bubba Gum was Wrigley Gum’s first bubble gum product. When it first came out, it was in an original bubble gum flavor, but the brand has since grown to include more flavors like watermelon and cherry. The original cube format was just too much sugar and artificial coloring concentrated into one jaw-breaking block. Today’s health-conscious parents would take one look at those neon pink and blue cubes and run the other direction.
Jell-O Pudding Pops – Bill Cosby’s Frozen Legacy
Pudding Pops hit stores in the late 1970s but were a kids’ staple in the 1980s with Bill Cosby as their genial promoter. These frozen treats were basically pudding on a stick, which sounds simple enough until you realize they were loaded with artificial colors, flavors, and enough sugar to fuel a small rocket ship. Frozen Jell-O on a stick; what’s not to like? These sound delicious, and anyone who tried them was lucky. They emerged in the 1970s but had their heyday in the 80s. Perhaps the fact that Bill Cosby was the face of Jell-O Pudding Pops in TV ads hastened their demise.
Kids absolutely went crazy for these things, and honestly, they were pretty delicious. The creamy, cold texture was perfect for hot summer days, and they came in flavors like chocolate, vanilla, and swirl. But between the artificial everything and the uncomfortable association with their former spokesperson, these treats represent everything wrong with seventies food marketing. Modern parents would probably prefer to make their own frozen yogurt pops with organic ingredients rather than hand their kids something that bright orange.
Marathon Bars – The Eight-Inch Chocolate Rope
Unfortunately, despite its unique composition, the Marathon Bar couldn’t keep pace in the chocolate bar races. Sales lagged behind competitors, and although it managed to stick around until 1981, the Marathon Bar was ultimately discontinued after an eight-year run. This wasn’t your average candy bar – it was basically eight inches of braided chocolate and caramel that looked more like rope than candy. The whole appeal was that it took forever to eat, which was supposed to make it a better value than regular candy bars.
The problem was that this thing was a complete mess to eat. The braided design meant it fell apart in your hands, got stuck in your teeth, and probably contained enough sugar to put a modern kid into a diabetic coma. However, if you’re curious to try the candy today, you can still get a taste of what it was like. In the U.K., a similar bar called the Curly Wurly is still sold, and while it isn’t available in the U.S., some specialty stores or importing services may carry it. Today’s candy bars are designed to be eaten quickly and cleanly – nobody wants to spend twenty minutes untangling their snack.
Squeez-A-Snak – Cheese in a Tube Gone Wrong
Oh, boy. Look, it wouldn’t have been the 1970s without some wild, slightly gross-looking processed snack, would it? This was a time of innovation, after all, and food manufacturers were pulling out all the stops to be unique and harness new food technologies for consumers. The combo of these things led to Kraft Squeez-A-Snak, a product that seemed to sit somewhere between Cheez Whiz and meat paste in terms of its consistency.
This abomination came in a toothpaste-style tube that you’d squeeze directly into your mouth or onto crackers. The texture was somewhere between liquid cheese and baby food, and it came in flavors that shouldn’t exist in nature. Kids thought it was hilarious to squirt this stuff directly onto their tongues, but parents quickly realized they were basically feeding their children processed cheese product with the consistency of toothpaste. The whole concept was so fundamentally wrong that it’s amazing it ever made it to market in the first place.
Space Dust Sizzling Candy – Pop Rocks’ Weird Cousin
Man, people really loved space-themed stuff in the 1970s, huh? If you need more proof, look no further than Space Dust Sizzling Candy, another galactic snack that had its heyday during this decade. For all intents and purposes, Space Dust was just a more processed version of Pop Rocks. Made by General Foods, it offered kids and adults alike a unique combination of citrusy, sharp candy and a fizzy consistency.
The marketing claimed this stuff was like eating stardust, but it was really just sugar crystals that fizzed and crackled in your mouth like tiny firecrackers. Kids would pour entire packets onto their tongues and then open their mouths to hear the crackling sounds. The whole experience was more like a chemistry experiment than a snack. Today’s parents would probably be terrified of giving their kids something that literally explodes in their mouths, regardless of how safe it actually was.
Aspen Apple Soda – The Forgotten Fruit Fizz
The late 1970s was when Pepsi introduced the refreshing apple soda called Aspen. It was eventually revamped and rebranded as Apple Slice, before that brand also disappeared. A “crisp and crystal clear” drink with “just a snap of apple,” Aspen was gone by 1982. This stuff was like drinking liquid apple candy, with an artificial apple flavor so intense it would make your eyes water. The marketing promised a crisp, refreshing taste, but what you actually got was basically apple-flavored sugar water.
Aspen was a crisp, apple-flavored soda introduced by PepsiCo in the late ’70s. It was a refreshing change from the usual lemon-lime and cola options, offering a unique, tart-sweet taste. It had a small but loyal following, with some people swearing it was the best soda they ever had. Despite its devoted fans, Aspen was discontinued in the early ’80s, likely due to low sales. Pepsi later replaced it with Slice, but the apple flavor never returned. Those who remember Aspen still talk about how there’s never been another soda quite like it. The sugar content was absolutely bonkers, even by seventies standards, and the artificial coloring gave it this weird, almost radioactive green tint that would never fly with today’s health-conscious consumers.
Carnation Breakfast Bars – The Original Energy Bar Disaster
This product laid the foundation before breakfast bars became big in their own right. Carnation intended this to be a meal replacement, so if you had skipped breakfast for whatever reason, this would provide the protein and energy to keep you going. Carnation Breakfast Bars first appeared in 1975 but were discontinued in 1997, three years after a major relaunch. The marketing claimed these bars could replace a complete breakfast, which was laughable considering they were basically candy bars disguised as health food.
The texture was like eating a combination of chalk and caramel, and they left this weird aftertaste that lingered for hours. Parents bought into the idea that they could replace actual breakfast with these processed rectangles of sugar and artificial vitamins. Peanut butter and chocolate topped a healthy, oat-filled cookie made with whole grains for a Mars confection that was ahead of its time. Now this describes just about every other energy bar out there. Today’s energy bars actually contain real ingredients and provide genuine nutrition – these seventies versions were just candy pretending to be breakfast.
Snack Mate Cheese Spread – Party Food From Hell
Hosting a dinner party? All you had to get things going in the 1970s were some Ritz Crackers topped with Snack Mate cheese from a can. This aerosol cheese product was the height of sophistication in the seventies, because apparently nothing said “fancy party” quite like spraying neon orange cheese from a pressurized can directly onto crackers. The stuff tasted like a combination of processed cheese and metallic chemicals, with a texture that was somehow both gritty and slimy at the same time.
The real kicker was watching people try to create elaborate cheese sculptures on their crackers, only to have the stuff collapse into an orange puddle. The artificial coloring was so intense it would stain everything it touched, including your fingers, your clothes, and probably your internal organs. Today’s artisanal cheese spreads and organic alternatives make Snack Mate look like something that escaped from a chemistry lab. Modern parents would rather serve their guests actual cheese than this pressurized abomination.
Danish Go-Rounds – The Fancy Pop-Tart Failure
Pop-Tarts weren’t the only toaster pastries in town – Kellogg’s Danish Go-Rounds were a flakier, spiral-shaped alternative. They came in fruity flavors and were meant to be a little more “elegant” than the standard Pop-Tart. Their unique shape made them stand out. These things were basically Pop-Tarts trying to be fancy, with a spiral design that was supposed to make them look more like actual Danish pastries. The problem was that they fell apart the moment you looked at them sideways.
Despite their popularity, Danish Go-Rounds disappeared in the late ’70s. Kellogg’s later introduced a similar product called Toast’em Danish, but it never quite caught on. The flaky design meant crumbs everywhere, and the filling would often ooze out during toasting, creating a sticky mess in your toaster. Kids preferred the reliability of regular Pop-Tarts over these pretentious pastry wannabes. Today’s breakfast options focus on actually being nutritious rather than just looking fancier than the competition.
Tid Bits Crackers – Orange Pellets of Processed Doom
Nabisco’s Tid Bits were an orange-hued crispy cracker snack shaped like pellets. Eventually, Goldfish and Cheez-Its overtook them in popularity. These tiny orange spheres looked more like fish food than human food, and honestly, they probably had about the same nutritional value. Kids would pour them directly from the box into their mouths like they were eating cereal, which created this disturbing crunching sound that could be heard from across the room.
The artificial orange coloring was so intense that it would stain your fingers bright orange, and the flavor was this weird, chemical approximation of cheese that didn’t resemble any cheese found in nature. They were basically processed corn shaped into little balls and coated with orange powder that contained enough artificial additives to fuel a small factory. Modern snack crackers actually taste like real cheese and don’t leave your hands looking like you’ve been handling traffic cones.
Concentrate Cereal – Fish Food for Breakfast
Concentrate Cereal was branded as the cereal with the highest concentration of nutrients. It came out of the box looking like fish pellets and expanded as it soaked up the milk. Kellogg’s pulled Concentrate Cereal from the shelves in the late 1970s. This stuff literally looked like aquarium fish food when you poured it into your bowl, and the texture wasn’t much better. The tiny, hard pellets would expand when they hit milk, creating this weird, spongy mass that was supposed to be breakfast.
The marketing claimed it was packed with nutrients, but it tasted like cardboard soaked in artificial vitamins. Kids would watch in fascination as these tiny pellets transformed into slightly larger, mushier pellets that somehow managed to be both crunchy and soggy at the same time. The whole concept was fundamentally flawed – nobody wants their breakfast cereal to look like something you’d feed to goldfish. Today’s cereals at least pretend to be food, even when they’re loaded with sugar.
Big Stuf Oreos – The Palm-Sized Cookie Monster
Kids from the 1980s could find this oversized treat wrapped in individual plastic packaging. A precursor to the Oreo Mega Stuf, the Big Stuf consisted of one giant Oreo the size of your palm, which stuck around for seven years until it was discontinued in 1991. This wasn’t just a big cookie – it was a completely ridiculous cookie that was bigger than most hamburgers. Kids would try to eat these things in one bite and end up with cookie crumbs all over themselves and everyone within a three-foot radius.
The filling-to-cookie ratio was completely off, and the whole thing would fall apart the moment you tried to twist it open like a regular Oreo. Plus, the sheer size meant it contained enough sugar and fat to probably violate several modern food safety guidelines. Today’s oversized treats are at least designed to be shared, but the Big Stuf was clearly intended for individual consumption, which is just insane by current standards.
Tuna Twist – When Fish Met Packet Seasoning
Parents making tuna salad in the 1970s had their worlds rocked when Tuna Twist came out. The seasoning contained a blend of veggies, herbs, and spices. There were three flavors to choose from: onion, cheddar, and Italian. All you had to do was add a pack of Tuna Twist and mayo to some canned tuna for a delicious tuna sandwich. This product was basically MSG and artificial flavoring disguised as a convenient cooking shortcut.
The idea was that busy parents could jazz up their tuna salad with these little packets of processed seasoning mix, but what they actually got was a chemical flavor bomb that overwhelmed any actual tuna taste. The “cheddar” version was particularly horrifying, creating this orange, gritty paste that looked more like construction adhesive than food. Modern cooks prefer fresh herbs and actual vegetables to flavor their tuna, rather than relying on packets of mysterious powder that probably contained more preservatives than nutrients.
The seventies really were a wild time for food innovation, weren’t they? These snacks represent an era when food manufacturers thought they could improve on nature by adding artificial colors, flavors, and textures that had never existed before. Most of these products disappeared because consumers eventually realized that food should probably taste like food, not like chemistry experiments gone wrong. It’s fascinating to look back at what we used to consider acceptable snack food – and honestly, pretty terrifying too. What would you have guessed people were actually eating back then?
