Natural—The Most Misleading Word in the Grocery Store
When you see “natural” splashed across a food package, your brain immediately jumps to wholesome, farm-fresh goodness. But here’s the shocking truth that’ll make you question everything: the natural label only addresses how food is processed, and there is no certification or regulatory process for the label. For all other foods (milk, eggs, and non-animal food products), the “natural” label is virtually meaningless.
The term ‘natural’ broadly means minimally processed and free of synthetic dyes, coloring, flavorings and preservatives. These foods can still contain such ingredients as high fructose corn syrup and be made from genetically modified organisms (GMO’s). I’ve personally seen products claiming to be “natural” on the front while listing artificial additives on the back—it’s pure marketing magic, not regulated reality.
This term has some loose guidelines but is not strictly regulated at this time, so it’s a really hard one to trust. Thankfully the FDA is at least looking into this one. But until then, you’re essentially paying premium prices for a word that legally means almost nothing.
Free Range—Your Happy Chicken Fantasy is Actually Dystopian
Picture this: chickens running freely across green pastures, pecking at grass under blue skies. That’s what “free range” sounds like it should mean, right? “Free range” labels are regulated by the USDA only for poultry produced for meat. It’s not regulated for pigs, cattle, or egg-producing chickens — nor are the requirements very stringent. Poultry companies can use the label if the chickens had any access to the outdoors each day, with no requirements on how long. It could be just a few minutes, and there’s no guarantee that the animal actually went outdoors.
Free-range means the hens are “housed in a building, room, or area that allows for unlimited access to food, water, and continuous access to the outdoors during their laying cycle. The outdoor area may be fenced and/or covered with netting-like material.” So basically a door to a tiny patch of dirt outside the building would qualify here. It doesn’t say how big the area is or if there’s any grass there, or how often they actually need to (and do) use this space. I’ve even read it can just be a “pop hole” for their head with no full-body access to the outdoors—yikes!
All a “cage free” house needs to do to qualify as free range is to allow some outdoor access to the birds. For most, this means a small access door is cut into the side of the house allowing access to a small fenced “yard”. The yard is quickly denuded of vegetation (it’s what happens when any livestock is allowed continual access to any area; they eventually kill all the grass) and few of the hens ever leave the house. The reality is far from your pastoral dreams.
Cage Free—Still Trapped in Your Own Nightmare
Don’t get too excited about “cage free” either. Cage-free means the hens are “housed in a building, room, or enclosed area that allows for unlimited access to food, water, and provides the freedom to roam within the area during the laying cycle.” This means they may never go outside and can be packed in a building with thousands of other chickens trampling all over each other.
“Cage free” means that birds are raised without cages. However, the label tells you nothing about any other living conditions. For instance, “cage free” eggs could come from birds raised indoors in overcrowded factory farms. Think of it like this: you’re not in a cage, but you’re crammed into a windowless warehouse with ten thousand of your closest friends.
This voluntary label defined by the USDA indicates that hens can leave their cages to roam and access food and water. However, the amount of space isn’t specified and outdoor access isn’t required. Unless otherwise labeled, most cage free facilities are indoor facilities where overcrowding is not uncommon. The chickens might technically be able to move around, but good luck finding elbow room.
Superfood—The FDA’s Greatest Mystery
The FDA has no definition or regulation around using the term “superfood” for products. I myself don’t buy into the superfood phenomenon AT ALL. While most “superfoods” are real foods (and there’s nothing wrong with eating them), if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Companies slap this label on everything from expensive powders to regular old berries to justify outrageous price tags.
Here’s what really gets me: blueberries are suddenly “superfoods” when they’re in a premium smoothie mix, but regular blueberries in the produce section? Just ordinary fruit, apparently. It’s the same berry! The term has zero scientific backing or legal definition—it’s pure marketing genius designed to make you feel like you’re investing in your health while emptying your wallet.
Think about it this way: your grandmother’s spinach was packed with nutrients decades before anyone invented the word “superfood,” but she never paid premium prices for marketing buzzwords. The nutritional value hasn’t changed, but the price sure has.
Fresh—Frozen in Legal Confusion
Contrary to what you might expect, the label “fresh” is used only on poultry to indicate that the meat was not cooled below 26°F. Poultry must be labeled “frozen” only when it reaches 0°F. This can be misleading, as many consumers assume that the label means the meat hasn’t been frozen, processed, or preserved in any way. The USDA doesn’t define or regulate “fresh” levels on any other type of product.
So that “fresh” chicken you bought could have been stored at 27 degrees for weeks and still legally wear the “fresh” label. It’s like calling someone tall because they’re not technically short—the definition is so loose it’s practically meaningless. Meanwhile, you’re paying fresh prices for what might be barely-not-frozen poultry.
For everything else in the grocery store—fruits, vegetables, dairy, you name it—”fresh” is completely unregulated. Companies can slap it on products that have traveled thousands of miles and sat in warehouses for days. Your “fresh” salad mix might be fresher than a mummy, but that’s not saying much.
Premium and Gourmet—Expensive Words for Regular Food
Walk down any grocery aisle and you’ll see “premium” and “gourmet” labels everywhere, usually accompanied by fancy fonts and elegant packaging. But here’s the kicker: these terms have absolutely no legal definition or regulatory oversight. For high-end products, premium labels convey quality, exclusivity, and brand identity. Whether for luxury cosmetics, gourmet foods, fine wines, or high-end fashion, premium labels enhance a product’s perceived value and set it apart from competitors.
Companies know that slapping “gourmet” on a regular pasta sauce can justify charging three times the price. Who says store brands can’t be fancy? Many supermarkets have luxury private label lines with gourmet food items at lower prices. These premium ranges include things like fine wines, artisan chocolates, and special cuts of meat. But what makes something truly “gourmet”? Usually just better packaging and a higher price tag.
I’ve seen identical products from the same manufacturer sold under both regular and “premium” labels—literally the same food in different packaging. The only thing premium about it was the markup. It’s like calling your regular Tuesday night dinner a “gourmet dining experience” because you used cloth napkins instead of paper ones.
Artisan—Mass Production in Disguise
The word “artisan” conjures images of skilled craftspeople lovingly hand-making small batches of food in quaint workshops. Reality check: most “artisan” products rolling down grocery store conveyor belts have never seen the inside of a small workshop. Luxury, artisanal and quality collections are drawing in shoppers with a love for elevated indulgence and premiumisation, but the artisan label has zero legal requirements.
This has led to a rise in premium and artisanal products promoting balance and moderation. Brands are focusing on providing sensory-rich experiences that deliver pure enjoyment, reshaping the narrative around guilt-free indulgence. But here’s what they’re not telling you: that “artisanal” bread was likely made in the same factory as the regular stuff, just with a different recipe and packaging.
Large corporations have figured out they can charge premium prices by calling their mass-produced items “artisanal.” It’s like calling a McDonald’s burger “artisan-crafted” because someone assembled it by hand. The scale of production and the care involved are completely different, but the label doesn’t distinguish between genuine small-batch craftsmanship and industrial production with artisan branding.
Hormone-Free and Antibiotic-Free—Already Required by Law
Here’s a dirty little secret that’ll make you furious: USDA regulations already prohibit artificial hormones and steroids for egg-laying hens, so this label is meaningless. The USDA already bans the use of artificial hormones or steroids in all chicken production, so EVERY chicken processor could use this label claim. It’s another meaningless—and very deceptive—marketing tool.
This label can be misleading as all eggs must be free of antibiotics per FDA regulations. However, some third-party certifiers have additional requirements about when and if hens receive antibiotics. So when you pay extra for “hormone-free” chicken or “antibiotic-free” eggs, you’re literally paying a premium for companies to follow the law—something they’re required to do anyway.
It’s like paying extra for a car that’s advertised as “steering wheel included” or “comes with legally required safety features.” Companies are monetizing basic legal compliance and making you feel good about buying something that every single competitor is also required to provide. The audacity is breathtaking, but the strategy works because most shoppers don’t know these are already federal requirements.
