PB Max – The Peanut Butter Powerhouse That Mars Killed
Picture this: you’re holding a candy bar that weighs as much as a small brick, packed with more peanut butter than should be legally allowed in a single serving. PB Max was introduced by Mars in 1989, made of creamy peanut butter over a square-shaped whole grain cookie, enrobed in milk chocolate with crunchy round cookie pieces. This wasn’t just another candy bar – it was a statement piece.
Despite generating a whopping $50 million in sales, a former Mars executive revealed that the family chose to discontinue the product due to their view of peanut butter. Yes, you read that correctly. The mars family had a distaste for peanut butter for reasons unknown, which doesn’t constitute canceling a product that managed to gain $50 million dollars in sales. A Facebook page dedicated to the return of the PB Max was launched in 2015, in an effort to get the attention of Mars, but both campaigns have appeared to hit a dead end.
The irony is delicious, isn’t it? A company destroying their own goldmine because the owners didn’t like the main ingredient.
Pudding Pops – Bill Cosby’s Frozen Legacy Turned Sour
Nothing says childhood summer like peeling back that paper wrapper and finding frozen chocolate pudding on a stick waiting for you. Many loved frozen pudding on a stick back in the day and were shocked when they noticed them missing in stores a few years ago, with parents wanting their children to share in this childhood memory but finding it was not to be.
These weren’t just frozen treats – they were an experience. The way they melted on your tongue, somehow managing to taste exactly like regular pudding despite being solid. Pudding Pops were a freezer aisle favorite that blended the creamy texture of pudding with the chill of a popsicle.
Unfortunately, the spokesperson who made them famous became their downfall. If you miss these treats like the rest of us, you can try making them homemade, as the internet is full of pudding pop recipes that (hopefully) recapture their creamy deliciousness. Still, it’s just not the same as grabbing one from the freezer case during a grocery run.
Squeezits – The Plastic Bottle Revolution
Before energy drinks came in aluminum cans, there were Squeezits – the ultimate sugar delivery system disguised as a fun drink. Squeezits were unequivocally the coveted drink of 1980s American lunchboxes, with brightly colored plastic bottles filled with sugar-filled drinks that were likely more closely related to boiled-down Skittles than they ever were to fruit juice.
Squeezits entered the world in Denver in 1985 before eventually making their presence known nationwide by 1988. The genius wasn’t just in the liquid – it was in the packaging. From bottles that changed colors to black ‘mystery flavored’ varieties to its ability to be repurposed as a tiny but effective squirt gun after their contents had been consumed, Squeezit bottles were an entity and a symbol of cool.
Squeezeits made lunch and snack time worth it, with the plastic, juice-filled bottles coming in tons of flavors and guaranteed to stain your mouth, all while giving you a sugar high. You knew you’d consumed a Squeezit properly if your lips matched the bottle’s color for the rest of the day.
Space Food Sticks – NASA-Inspired Nutrition
Long before protein bars became a health food staple, there were Space Food Sticks – the snack that made every kid feel like an astronaut in training. Space Food Sticks were inspired by the rations eaten by astronauts, which made them feel light-years cooler than regular old granola bars, available in chocolate, peanut butter, and caramel with a soft, chewy texture that felt a little space-agey but totally delicious.
Every bite felt like you were preparing for your next NASA mission, and they vanished by the 1980s, but not before cementing their place in the snack hall of fame for kids who dreamed of being astronauts. The marketing was genius – convince parents they were buying something educational while kids got their sugar fix.
These sticks represented the perfect intersection of the space race fascination and convenient snacking. They managed to make processed food feel futuristic and aspirational, something no modern protein bar has quite achieved.
Doritos Cool Ranch – The Flavor That Changed Everything
While Nacho Cheese Doritos had been around since 1972, the introduction of Cool Ranch in 1986 revolutionized what a chip could taste like. The Cool Ranch flavor of Doritos hit markets in 1986, proving Doritos could inaugurate different flavors for their chips, and they did so en mass starting in the 90s.
Although numerous Doritos flavors have come and gone over the years, Nacho Cheese and Cool Ranch make up the foundational yin-yang of Doritos, often with fandom camps on each side. The ranch flavor wasn’t just ranch – it was something entirely new that managed to capture the essence of ranch dressing while creating its own identity.
Incidentally, Cool Ranch Doritos are known as “Cool American” or “Cool Original” outside North America. The name might change, but that distinctive tang remains unmistakable no matter what continent you’re on.
Fruit Roll-Ups – Fake Fruit, Real Fun
Introduced by General Mills’ Betty Crocker brand in 1983, Fruit Roll-Ups were a sweet snack based on traditional fruit leather, yet this mass-produced version contained almost no fruit at all, despite the slogan, “real fruit and fun, rolled up in one”.
The deception was part of the charm. Except for a small amount of pear juice concentrate, the snacks were comprised of corn syrup and artificial color, but still, they were pretty fun, with the candy rolled up on cellophane and nothing like the sound of peeling off the fake fruit sheet.
A lunchbox staple and must-have, we folded, twisted and tucked the sticky, chewy fruit roll-ups into the right size to stick it to the roof of our mouth for hours after lunch ended – it really did make fruit fun. The magic wasn’t in the nutrition – it was in the ritual of unrolling, the satisfaction of that perfect peel, and the way it stuck to your teeth just long enough to remind you of recess.
Bonkers Candy – The Fruit Explosion
Some candies whisper their flavors. Bonkers screamed theirs from the rooftops while simultaneously assaulting your taste buds with an intensity that bordered on aggressive. Bonkers were rectangular candies with a soft, vanilla-flavored coating and a tangy, fruity center, and the candy also had goofy television commercials that contributed to its popularity.
One fan from Reddit even said that Bonkers was better than Starburst and SKITTLES. That’s a bold claim in the candy world, but anyone who experienced that burst of liquid fruit flavor would understand the sentiment. Sadly, Bonkers were discontinued when they faced fierce competition in the candy market.
The commercials were legendary in their absurdity, featuring people literally going “bonkers” after eating them. It was advertising that perfectly matched the over-the-top nature of the candy itself.
Hi-C Ecto Cooler – Slimer’s Green Gift
Sometimes a movie tie-in product outlasts the film that inspired it. This memorable beverage was launched as a cross-promotion with “The Real Ghostbusters” animated TV series in 1987, when Hi-C rebooted its classic Citrus Cooler as a bright-green drink featuring the film’s Slimer character.
It briefly came back in honor of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife,” which debuted in November 2021, but is no longer available, though fans figured out how to make their own dupe using Tampico Citrus Punch and Minute Maid Lemonade. The fact that people reverse-engineered the recipe shows just how beloved this green concoction was.
The drink managed to capture everything great about the eighties: it was tied to a blockbuster movie, came in an unnatural color that would alarm modern parents, and tasted absolutely nothing like any fruit that exists in nature. Yet somehow, it was perfect.
Hot Pockets – The Microwave Revolution
The eighties microwave revolution needed a flagship product, and Hot Pockets answered the call with molten cheese and third-degree burns. Hot Pockets were the ultimate DIY after-school snack, where you slid the pizza into that silver sleeve from the space age and watched mind-blowing microwave technology do its thing.
Created by two Iranian-American brothers in 1983, originally called “Tastywiches,” the microwave revolution of the 80s basically launched these into orbit, with nothing saying freedom like burning your mouth on molten cheese without adult supervision. They represented independence – the ability to make your own meal, even if that meal occasionally resembled lava on the inside and arctic tundra on the outside.
The silver sleeve was pure space-age magic to eighties kids. You’d slide that frozen brick into its metallic cocoon, punch some buttons, and emerge three minutes later with what the package promised was “food.” The fact that it often achieved temperatures that violated several laws of physics only added to the excitement.
Food researchers studying nostalgic snacking patterns have found that these ten treats represent more than just discontinued products. Six out of 10 consumers said they prefer multiple meals throughout the day to three larger ones, according to Mondelēz’s most recent State of Snacking report, suggesting that our snacking habits formed in the eighties have fundamentally changed how Americans eat.
Nostalgic snacks with a gourmet or modern twist are having a moment, including everything from artisanal versions of Pop-Tarts and Twinkies to revamped versions of childhood cereals. The longing isn’t just about taste – it’s about returning to a time when food didn’t need to be organic, sustainable, or Instagram-worthy. It just needed to be fun.
What would you give to taste that first Squeezit again, complete with artificially blue lips and a sugar rush that lasted until dinnertime?
