Dasani: The Sulphur Surprise
You know that moment when you crack open a bottle of Dasani and immediately get slapped in the face with an odd smell? You’re not imagining things. According to expert water sommelier Belinda Chang, “this one does not smell good — it smells like a wine that’s been dosed with sulphates.” The taste doesn’t exactly redeem it either. Chang noted that when it comes to Dasani, “The thirst-quenching quotient is really low on this guy.” Despite its popularity and convenient availability, Dasani consistently ranks among the worst-tasting bottled waters in professional taste tests. One taste tester bluntly stated, “Dasani, was, of course, the worst.” The water has been described as having an almost “sulfuric” smell, making some people feel like they’d “rather stick your head under a sink than chug this stuff.” Yet millions of people continue drinking it, especially when other options aren’t available.
Aquafina: The Powdery Predicament
Aquafina presents a peculiar paradox in the bottled water world. Water expert Belinda Chang described it as tasting “a little powdery, with some dissolved minerals and a little bit of salt.” The brand doesn’t hide the fact that it’s essentially glorified tap water that’s been through an extensive purification process. Aquafina’s website clearly states that it “starts as regular tap water, which is then cleaned through a ‘rigorous’ purification process of reverse osmosis.” One reviewer noted it’s “minerally, salty, very heavy and bitter,” comparing it to “the result of chlorination” and saying “it tasted downright chemically.” Despite these off-putting qualities, people still reach for it, particularly in airports and convenience stores. Chang acknowledged it as “a decent thirst-quencher” and noted it’s “a good option” when you’re “just drinking because you’re in the airport and you want to hydrate before you go on a flight.”
Propel: The Metallic Mystery
Propel takes the crown for one of the most immediately off-putting bottled waters you can encounter. Sommelier Belinda Chang was “immediately put off by the odor, saying it smells ‘salty, metallic.'” The taste experience doesn’t get much better from there. Chang described the impact as “bizarre” when it hits your tongue, noting “The texture and flavor is a lot like Gatorade, but not masked with orange or blue raspberry.” Expert rankings consistently place Propel among the “top 5 worst bottled drinking waters” based purely on taste. The irony is that this is supposed to be an enhanced water with electrolytes designed to improve hydration. Instead, many people find themselves forcing it down simply because they’ve already spent money on it. The metallic aftertaste lingers long after you’ve finished drinking, making you question whether you’ve actually hydrated or just consumed liquid metal.
Ice Mountain: The Pipe Dream
Ice Mountain occupies a strange position in the bottled water landscape – it’s technically tasteless, which sounds good in theory but creates its own problems. According to professional taste testers, “Ice Mountain bottled drinking water got it right if you’re looking for nothing but water – tasteless water.” While one expert noted it’s “completely neutral in almost every way,” she also detected “a slight ‘mineral-y’ aftertaste, a ‘pipe-like flavor.'” That pipe-like quality is what makes people continue drinking it despite the unpleasant notes. The brand is consistently ranked among the worst-tasting bottled waters by professional sommeliers. The water manages to be both flavorless and somehow still taste wrong, like drinking from a garden hose on a summer day – technically water, but with an unmistakable industrial undertone that reminds you this liquid has been through some serious processing.
Ethos: The Tap Water Masquerade
There’s simply “no way around it: Ethos bottled water tastes like tap water. Not filtered tap water, either, just whatever comes out of the spigot when you turn the handle.” Despite its noble mission of helping children around the world access clean water, the product itself leaves much to be desired from a taste perspective. The brand’s worthy social cause led Starbucks to buy the company, but “for a bottled water proprietor looking to entice customers to make the purchase, the product leaves much to be desired.” People often find themselves drinking Ethos not because they enjoy it, but because they support the cause or because it’s the only option available in their coffee shop. One reviewer wished they “could say better things about this brand” and noted that “If Ethos gave just a little more effort to the water in the bottle, it would be a no-brainer to promote a great tasting product with a worthwhile mission.” The disconnect between the brand’s good intentions and its poor execution creates a cognitive dissonance that keeps people coming back despite the mediocre taste.
Member’s Mark: The Flat-Out Disappointment
Sam’s Club’s Member’s Mark bottled water represents the ultimate warehouse store compromise – bulk quantity at the expense of quality. Taste testers found this water “comes out of the spout tasting flatter than most,” which is “an odd quality for water without carbonation” – it’s “akin to water you’ve left out on the counter overnight.” The flatness isn’t just a minor inconvenience; it actively makes the drinking experience unpleasant. The flavor profile is so disappointing that it “makes you empty your cup and fill it up afresh” – something “you wouldn’t accept from water out of your pipes,” making you question “why would you ever pay extra for such disappointment?” The brand is designed for people who “run a small restaurant or a snack bar” and represents “warehouse shopping” at its most utilitarian. Despite its poor taste, people continue buying it in bulk because the price point is too attractive to ignore, even if it means compromising on basic palatability.
Kirkland: The Costco Compromise
Costco’s Kirkland bottled water exemplifies the “you get what you pay for” principle in the most literal sense. The water is “so low-priced” because “it’s also low-quality,” though “you may not notice if your thirst is overwhelming and all you’re looking for is something to squelch the parch.” The real problem becomes apparent when you’re not desperately dehydrated. In more controlled tasting conditions, “there’s too much mineral flavor here, leaving an aftertaste that feels like you’ve spit out your bubble gum but your taste buds think you’re still chewing.” This peculiar bubble gum-like mineral aftertaste is what makes Kirkland water so memorable – and not in a good way. The bulk buying model means most people have cases of this stuff at home, so they end up drinking it regularly despite the questionable taste profile. It’s the water equivalent of store-brand cereal – it serves its purpose, but you’re always slightly aware that you’re making a compromise.
SmartWater: The Marketing Miracle
SmartWater presents one of the most interesting cases of marketing triumph over actual taste quality. Despite being owned by Coca-Cola and featuring celebrity endorsements, “consumers have found it to be among the worst bottled water products they’ve ever tasted.” The problems stem from “the electrolytes, which were apparently not added in a smart enough manner,” earning it only “a grade of C” from the Environmental Working Group, with critics noting it has “a high pH level with antioxidants added in.” Professional taste testers have admitted they’ve “always chugged this the next morning when I’m hungover,” suggesting it’s more about desperation than preference. The irony is palpable – a water called “Smart” that many people find decidedly unpalatable. The taste has been described as having “a mildly chemical aftertaste that reminded me of citric acid.” Yet people continue purchasing it, likely influenced by the sleek packaging and celebrity endorsements, proving that sometimes marketing really can overcome taste.
